Tag: funny

  • Wump! Where did that wall come from?

    Me at 7:30 AM after a nearly sleepless night and early morning text wakeup: Completes usual route and bathroom routine with eyes closed. Turns to return to slumber. WAM! Hits a wall that shouldn’t have been there. Brain scrambles to make sense of this new obstacle that is both solid yet somewhat yielding.

    Husband: Ouch!

    Me: Brain finally identifies the wall as spouse who came to say good morning. Quick check to make sure no one is injured. (I’m fine. His nose hurts where my head hit it.)

    Husband: Returns to work in home office.

    Me: Heads to bed hoping for sleep and that husband remembers not to walk behind sleepwalking wife without announcing presence. Large furry object blocks me from comfy cozy bed. Sigh. Redirect destination to my office couch and lay down.

    Dog: Immediately and effectively pins me to the couch like a big fluffy blanket.

    You need more sleep, Mommy.

    Me: Sleeps soundly until my bed warmer gets up at 9:00 AM. Reluctantly embraces the day.

    Have a great day, Y’all, and I hope you get a good night’s sleep.

    STAR TOUCHED

    STAR TOUCHED

    Sometimes it’s hard to be who you are meant to be.

    Especially when your powers can get you killed.

    Eighteen-year-old Tatiana is running from her past and her star-touched powers eight years after a meteor devastates earth’s population.

    Her power to heal may be overshadowed by more destructive abilities. Fleeing the persecution of those like her, Tatiana seeks refuge in a small town she once visited. But this civil haven, in a world where society has broken down, is beginning to crumble.

    Only by harnessing the very forces that haunt her can Tatiana save her friends…and herself.

    HUMMINGBIRD

    Plagued by memories not her own, a young hummingbird struggles to decipher the visions and powers that set her apart from her fellow birds. But the road to awareness is fraught with danger that could doom her to repeat history.

    One step toward understanding.

    One stride toward survival.

    One leap toward flying free from the past.

    WOLF DAWN

    WOLF DAWN

    A Hidden Past – A Deadly Secret

    Gifted with the ability to wolf-talk, Kara has lived with the wolves since she lost her memories eight years ago. Now at sixteen, snippets of her past send her searching for answers.

    But the warm welcome she receives in the human village hides more danger than life with the pack.

  • How to Prepare the Perfect Mate

    How to Prepare the Perfect Mate

    There’s a new kid in town and she’s getting ready for the date of her life.

    How to Prepare the Perfect Mate

    This gal is available on t-shirts and sweatshirts in a variety of colors.

    Go ahead. You know you want one.

    And they make great gifts.

    A L Kaplan’s Redbubble Shop

  • Wednesday at the Write Women Book Fest

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    LIVESTREAMS, RECORDED WORKSHOPS, READINGS, CRAFTS, MUSIC, AND MORE
    THE WEEK OF SEPTEMBER 21 – 26

    WEDNESDAY
    SEPTEMBER 23
    KIDS AND TEENS ROCK!

    7-7:30PM – READING FOR CHILDREN
    VIEW THIS LIVESTREAM HERE: https://www.facebook.com/LifeLessonswithMrGReaper/live/
    Silly & Fun Bedtime Story for Children
    Life Lessons with Mr. G. Reaper
    The Magic of Making Friends by Sarah Petrosky

    8-9PM – READING AND Q&A FOR TEENS
    VIEW THIS LIVESTREAM HERE: https://www.facebook.com/events/287597519351319/
    Star Touched by A.L. Kaplan

    STAR TOUCHED: Eighteen-year-old Tatiana is running from her past and her star-touched powers eight years after a meteor devastates earth’s population.

    WORKSHOP FOR TEENS
    VIEW THIS RECORDING HERE: https://youtu.be/Qm7fifZV3Hg
    Coming of Age – Hair Workshop for Teens with Keianna Johnson

    CRAFT TIME FOR KIDS
    VIEW THIS RECORDING HERE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cYwt0Lrw44I&feature=youtu.be
    Story Dice!
    Erin Timmermann with Leaf and Yard

    CRAFT TIME FOR TEENS
    VIEW THIS RECORDING HERE: https://www.thefolkhaus.com/p/the-write-women-book-fest-virtual.html?m=1
    Make your own zines!
    A time-honored tradition of independent and underground zines made simple with Mary DeMarco-Logue of Folkhaus.

    If you haven’t had a chance yet, pick up a copy of Star Touched and Wolf Dawn.

    STAR TOUCHED

    Sometimes it’s hard to be who you are meant to be.

    Especially when your powers can get you killed.

    Eighteen-year-old Tatiana is running from her past and her star-touched powers eight years after a meteor devastates earth’s population.

    Her power to heal may be overshadowed by more destructive abilities. Fleeing the persecution of those like her, Tatiana seeks refuge in a small town she once visited. But this civil haven, in a world where society has broken down, is beginning to crumble.

    Only by harnessing the very forces that haunt her can Tatiana save her friends…and herself.

    WOLF DAWN

    A Hidden Past – A Deadly Secret

    Gifted with the ability to wolf-talk, Kara has lived with the wolves since she lost her memories eight years ago. Now at sixteen, snippets of her past send her searching for answers.

    But the warm welcome she receives in the human village hides more danger than life with the pack.

  • PASTRY WARS

    “Pies of the world unite! For years we’ve been upstaged at every party. It’s time we take back our glory. We should be at the center of celebrations, not relegated to some back-shelf. By the time we’re done, those smug little cakes are going to lose their frosting.”

    “Can’t we all just get along? You know, play cards or something.”

    “This isn’t a game, Chess. It certainly wasn’t a game when Uncle Bing proposed a merger with that two timing Chocolate Cake. Poor Black Forest still doesn’t know who his true father is. Cake has betrayed us at every turn and I’m not going to stand for it any longer. Now who is with me?”

    “The Apple is in, dearie. And I’ve almost finished knitting our flag.”

    “Thanks, Grannie. It’s beautiful.”

    “You can count on us.”

    “Glad to hear, Rhubarb. And congratulations to you and your blushing bride, Peach. Aw, nuts. Pecan! Shoo Fly! Get these bugs out of here. This is a bakery not a dump. Custard and Cream, you two man the beaters.”

    “Will do.”

    “Cookie.”

    “Sir, yes sir.”

    “Oh for goodness sakes, stop sir sandwiching and grab that glass of milk.”

    “Sir, yes sir.”

    “Pumpkin, wipe that silly grin off your face. Has anyone seen Coconut?”

    “The wacko is hanging from the lamp again.”

    “No need to be so tart, Lemon. Coconut! Quit goofing around and get the rolling pin. Mince, hand out the knives. It’s time to crumb some cake.”