Tag: genetic scientists

  • TEXAS BIG

    “You’re going to love this place, Mr. and Mrs. Rexon. It has two Olympic sized pools, one inside and one outside. There are seven hundred eighty bedroom suites, one hundred offices, eighty bathrooms, twenty dining rooms, four kitchens, and a ballroom. The master bedroom has a bowling alley sized walk in closet.”

    Gordon Crestwell held his breath as the tobacco chewing trillionaire surveyed the property. The Texan’s wife stood next to him popping gum like a porn star tramp. They were new money, trash, but he needed the commission from this sale to pay off his gambling debts. So far none of the places he’d shown them were big enough and he was beginning to wonder if anything would be. Gordon’s cheeks ached from his plastered on smile. This was the last place on his list.

    Mr. Rexton wrinkled his face. “I don’t know, Gordon. Everyone we talked to said you were the best realtor, but I really don’t think you understand what we’re looking for. This place is big and all, but not Texas big.”

    Gordon wanted to spit in the man’s face. He was sick of the Texas thing. “This estate is bigger than Buckingham Palace. Even the queen of England doesn’t have better accommodations.”

    “That’s just it. It’s huge, lavish, just like all the other places, but none of them have the right kind of housing for Snookum’s pets.”

    “But you haven’t seen the stable. It’ll hold an entire herd of horses and cows. It’s beautiful. Just follow me.”

    Gordon walked around the house before the Texan could object. His life depended on this sale. The couple looked at the fancy marble stable with its intricate relief sculptures. Gordon’s stomach twisted when he saw the look on their faces, especially the puckered lips on Rexton’s trampy wife.

    “Sorry, Gordon, but this place just isn’t right. Snookum worked hard on her genetic creations. The herd of unicorns might like all that fancy stuff, but those doors just aren’t going to fit her flight of dragons.”

  • Location is Everything

    My parents warned me to talk to the neighbors before buying a house. I didn’t listen. The house was beautiful and the schools were excellent. Who cared what the neighbors did for a living? I should have asked. Having genetic scientists next door isn’t all bad. They’re nice and the saber-tooth cat does keep the rodents away. It’s the triceratops’ that drive me crazy. I had to move my garden to the far side of the house so they wouldn’t eat my plants. And don’t get me started about mating season. We plan our vacations to avoid the ruckus.

    Now Katie says she loves their son Kyle. He’s a nice young man, polite, and smart too. But really, would you want a son in law with wings? Can you imagine what their kids would look like? I just don’t know what to do! They are both going to the same university next fall. (To study genetics of course.) Last night Kyle came over with a dozen roses for Katie. (Normal ones, not the carnivorous flowers that ate the chihuahua down the street.) Then he politely asked if he could marry our daughter. What were we going to say, no? He may look unusual, but at least he has manners.

    Somehow I get the feeling our grandkids are going to be fluttering around the house instead of crawling. Who knows, maybe they can find a way to make kids hibernate until after puberty. Less teenage drama would be nice.